The Power of “Special Time”
A simple, effective way to strengthen family bonds and support your child’s emotional well-being.
“Special Time” is a core concept of The Incredible Years parenting program, highlighting the value of spending 10-15 minutes daily focused exclusively on your child. This dedicated time helps parents connect with their child’s interests, whether through drawing, imaginative play, outdoor activities, or baking.
Think of Special Time as a small but valuable investment in your child’s emotional health. Regularly spending focused time together builds a sense of trust, security, and connection that lasts far beyond those 10-15 minutes. It’s a way to let your child know, “I see you, I’m here with you, and you matter to me.”
Consistency is Key, But Flexibility is OK!
Some days may not go as planned, and that’s fine. Try to be consistent, even small, regular pockets of time make a big difference.
The Benefits
Stronger Connection
Spending regular one-on-one time with your child strengthens your bond. This time allows for important conversations and shared moments, helping you both understand each other better.
Sense of Belonging and Value
When parents choose to spend time with them, children feel valued. Doing activities together reinforces their sense of belonging and shows them they matter.
Enhanced Trust
Regular special time helps children feel secure and builds trust in their relationship with their parent and their surroundings.
We know the practicalities of setting aside “playtime” can seem daunting on an already busy day between school, work, extracurricular clubs, and dinner preparation. However, Special Time doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming, and its effect often makes daily routines smoother in the long run. When you pause to give your child undivided attention, you “fill their emotional bucket,” which helps them feel seen, heard, and ready to take on the rest of the day.
Getting Started: Tips for Implementing Special Time
If Special Time is new for your family, consider these practical tips to make it a success:
Talk as a Family
Have a family meeting to suggest starting this as a family. Explain why you want to do this and allow the child to suggest how and when this time could fit in and what they would like to do. Setting clear expectations can help everyone feel more prepared and excited.
Preparation
With your child's list of suggestions, you could make a “Special Time” box together containing these favourite items for easy access.
Plan
Find a time that suits your family’s routine. Whether it’s daily or a few times a week, consistency can help establish a positive pattern.
Troubleshooting 101
Multiple Children?
Get Creative: If you have more than one child, try alternating days, dividing and conquering with another parent or caregiver, or taking turns so each child gets their own “Special Time.”
Resistance from your child?
At first, your child may resist the end of Special Time, not wanting it to stop. This is natural and shows how much they value it. Gradually, your child will learn that even though it ends today, it will happen again tomorrow.
Top Tip
Introduce a countdown towards the end, remind your child it will happen again, and continue for the remaining time. “We have five minutes left today; we can play again tomorrow.”
3. Reluctance to engage?
At first, your child may wonder what this new idea is and whether it is here to stay. Your child may refuse to engage with it, even when activities are of their choice. Don't give up. Keep trying and offering at the same time as planned. It is likely they are testing the ground to see if this is real or just a phase.
Top Tip
Don't cut the time short; stay for the planned duration. Remain present. You are showing them that this time is for them and they have your full attention.
At Brave Beginnings, we’re here to support you on this journey. Subscribe to receive our monthly newsletters, where we’ll share practical tips and strategies to help you nurture resilience and resources to foster an emotionally healthy family environment.
Follow us @BravebeginningsUK and reach out if you have any questions or face any challenges as you try out Special Time. Your questions may help shape our next newsletter or blog.
